Afifah.
Life gives us more than we could handle.
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Thursday, February 24
When will this end?
HI.  I dont know when was the last time I smiled. Sincerely, without any worries. Looking back through my old photos, I wondered when was the last time I took a photo, smiling like everyday is awesome. Like there's nothing can bring me down. But now, what i've become is a teengage girl soon to be 18 still trying to figure out how to solve problems one after another. You know, sometimes I want my old life back. Those times when I had nothing to worry about. UGH I just cant explain wtv im feeling & going through. Even if I were able to, you guys wont understand it. My life, pathetic right. Why cant I be happy like others? Why? I meant if ever someone can answer this bonus question & help me solve this issues I'll reward you with a thousand dollars. lol jk
MAMA, I LOVE YOU. 
I wish im still a kid & when I say this Mama will hug me. I wish.. Mum, believe me. One way or another, I've never intend to hurt you. You kept saying that you had no one to talk to, you received no love from any of your family members, you want us to show that we love you etc.etc.etc. I know how you feels. But have you ever wondered what I feel? Or even what im going through? Or do you know everytime you cry because of me I felt like crying yet I held back. Have you ever thought about all these stuff? For once? Through out your current life? I guessed no. Both of us, are to be blame. For once in my entire life, I've never felt this way towards you. But I miss the old you. Mama yang anur kenal dahulu. Maybe you never realised this, but you've changed. I know, I've changed. I realised it. But have you? Do you know that whenever I tried to control my tears from flowing down, you accused me of being heartless. You say that I dont understand you or even love you. Its not because Im cold hearted. Its because I want you to know whether you understand your child or not. But no. If you understood me, you would have understand why I hide my tears. Every single time I hide myself inside my room or toilet & cry. You dont know that do you Mum? From the start when you say im heartless, that is where I start learning how to hide my tears. I put up a strong appearence, just to let you win. Just to let you scold me. Yet when I cry you say that the one who's supposed to cry is you & not me. Mum, what do you want me to do? Im tired of this. I expected understanding from you. Only you. 
CanIDie?IAmSick&TiredOfEvrythingAroundMe. ONE DAY, IF I WERE TO FALL, HOW MANY WOULD COME&RESCUE ME? NON. BECAUSE I DONT MEAN A THING TO THEM. 
I've never gone through this before. Never in my life have I cried so many times. Never. This is hard for me. I cry like 4-5 times a week. Yet no one will ever know. All they see is the moment when I smiled. Those are just fakes. I lied to them. Naive people. But for once, I wish someone would see through me & know the truth. & maybe by then half of my problems would be solved. KBYE Posted by your Mom. @ 4:30:00 PM
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